"We come to make party"

We're driving through Austria on our way to Salzburg surrounded by rolling green hills (that, I've got to be honest, are pretty alive with the sound of music...) with intentions of making it over the Slovenian border to the mountain lake town of Bled before sun-down. We're all a bit groggy and we're all a bit slower than usual. Not that these two characteristics are particularly unusual for beings that spend 95% of their existence sitting in a cramped and sticky car, but today we're all feeling pretty special because last night was the Czech Out Party...

And what a party it was. Although it might be against Adventurist policy to share Rally secrets with lay people, I'll do my best to engage my morning after the night before head to put some of what happened into words, but I can't promise it'll do it much justice (in that I can't remember large sections of the night) or that it'll be pretty.

PARENTAL ADVISORY: Sections of this blog post are not suitable for reading by your children over their cornflakes.

We rocked up to Klovena Castle with our grooves on. We'd stopped off beforehand to pick up beers, run through some sunflower fields, take photos and finally get propositioned by a full-on 'lads on tour' rally convoy in the supermarket car park (I'm certain they pulled in because they smelled females in our little Ka - one guy seriously looked at Meghan like he'd never seen boobs before). Our tunes were blasting as we came up over the hill and saw the campsite chock full of colour and crazyness. Literally hundreds of people in eccentric costumes sat next to equally eccentric cars. People have gone to town on their vehicles, our little Ka is definitely lacking in the flair department by comparison. And so are we - nearly everyone is in fancy dress, and we clearly didn't get the memo. How do they even fit these costumes in? I've packed 6 pairs of undies for 4 weeks - I certainly haven't got room for a Banana costume.

We were about to set up our tent on the hill next to the 6 people driving to Mongolia in an American school bus, but Matt did a recce and found some flat land tucked away in the trees next to an abandoned old church, with views of the whole valley - prime lo-kaysh babes!

The well oiled machine that is our team put up tent, unloaded car, finished off some beers and were on the way up to the castle in no time at all. On the way up we met rally founder Tom, made friends with a bunch of Rebel Alliance pilots and some be-suited city bankers - easy to make friends in a place were everyone's got the icebreaker "so, have you broken down yet?". Showed our wrist bands to the door lady in the burhka (Matt tells her that she has lovely eyes...) and we're in... 300 dirty smelly travelers have taken over a castle and it's all going off - Umpah bands, multiple bars serving cheap Czech beer and absinthe, a Rave Cave, Rock Bands, a 'teas of the world' chill out room with sheeshas, juggling acrobat performers, ramparts and suits of armour.

Luckily I was never part of a fraternity, but we definitely got a taste of a frat hazing party last night. Apparently if you give 300 revelers from all over the world a cool place to drink cheap alcohol 100s of miles away from their home they seem to lose all sense of shame, and egg each other on to do crazier and stupider things throughout the night. Our new friend Jim (one of the city bankers), who was basically a more friendly, funny and talkative Jason Statham, was the star of the show making sure no one ever bought the beers but him and instantly giving people nicknames that stuck all night. I was known as 'The Beard' if you're wondering... Jim also managed to pee in a cup to avoid the toilet lines and, when dared by Kassie to drink it for 40 euro, stepped up to the plate and got about half way through a pint of his own fluid (didn't get the money though, close only works in horseshoes and hand grenades). This didn't stop him scoring one of the 10 or so ladies on this trip despite his mouth smelling like a urinal only twenty minutes later. In fact, the whole party knew about it as he spent the next four minutes running around the congregation looking / begging for someone that would lend him a condom. Protection secured, Jim was cheered on by the whole crowd from the ramparts when he finally scored and sprinted back down to the campsite.

Other notable events/sights included:

- one bear of a man (appropriately dressed in a teddy bear costume) downing an entire glass boot (Beerfest stylie) of beer and projectile chundering everywhere

- The Two Aussies in Smart cars that are planning on driving to Mongolia AND back have just found out that their ladden cars are pretty much incapable of climbing even gentle hills.

- one skinny naked dude pooping in a urinal next to me because the toilet stall was busy and he'd eaten something dodgy in Amsterdam the night before.

- 4 firemen told Meghan that she was really old (they weren't firemen, they'd just driven here in a fire engine and had the costumes) who were obviously fresh out of high school

- A team of three generations all called Bob.

- We four, plus new found friends, cutting a rug and throwing some shapes, showing everyone how to break down in the rave cave.

- Meeting a team that gave good advice on the state or lack of the roads in Kazakhstan. It'll mean, most probably spending more time in Russia.

- A meteor storm over the castle.

The night finished with us all passing out in our snug (a common theme on this trip) tent to the sounds of the after party, a gentle blend of rave music mixed with 'hit the road jack' booming across the campsite lulling us to sleep.

Twas an awesome night had by all.

Written by Simon